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  • Writer's pictureKareen Boebel

Self Love

Self-love, it’s the one thing most of us are lacking. It’s the one thing we are striving to find but have yet to attain. There are reasons why we feel the negative way we do about ourselves. Most of the negative emotions we feel toward ourselves stem from our childhood. These are the hardest to release. It’s as though we were taught, unconsciously, to have a certain perception regarding our self-image, and that is all we know which makes it difficult to recognize how hard we are on ourselves. This negativity draws people and situations of the same energy towards us. This habit keeps us stuck in cycles and patterns we yearn to break free from, but have no idea how to or where to start. We unconsciously feel as though we aren’t good enough, and tend to seek a partner who we think will make us feel deserving. Then, when all is said and done, we are left where we started. We are left with a void within ourselves, needing something, anything, to comfort us. So, what’s a person to do? How do we break free from these exhausting and painful cycles? How do we find the light and break free to live a life that involves truly honoring our soul’s purpose? We first have to make room for good to come in, this means letting go of emotions and people that aren’t honoring your life anymore. This can be a painful process but I promise you, it will be rewarding in more ways than one. After realizing my own lack of self-love, I began taking steps towards change. This process was not an easy one. But I promise, if you do your homework and follow the following three steps, you are sure to find a deep love in yourself that you have never felt before. If you are single, this will be very helpful in breaking old patterns and attracting the right mate.

The first step is to work through and release all your negative emotions from childhood. Our parents are to blame for most of our negative emotions towards ourselves. Recognizing this is important, but the key is forgiveness. Understanding they did the best they could at the time is helpful and healing. If you are unable to do this, try to see their path from their perspective. Let’s say your Mom had a drinking problem, and in turn never gave you love or attention. She surrounded you with negative people, and then left you behind with a family member to continue her reckless ways. You need to understand she truly did the best she could at the time. Maybe you feel if you were her, you could have handled a child in a different way, but the truth of the matter is she wasn’t as strong as you are. She more than likely grew up with an alcoholic parent as well, and wasn’t strong enough to break the cycle. Resentment and anger are normal feelings to have, but it is important to work through them so you can release them. Doing so allows forgiveness to find its way in, and compassion to come light the way. You can try to do this on your own, but a therapist can help give you a deeper clarity into the situation, as they can see a perspective that is currently foggy to you without bias. I have found an Intuitive Therapist, Life Coach, and Shaman to be extremely helpful. Seek someone who resonates with you. How do you know it resonates? It feels right. In working through your negative emotions you will in turn allow yourself to release them. Processing them is the most important part; allowing them and feeling them. Yes, FEELING them. We are meant to feel because our biggest lessons come from our feelings. Once you feel them, you are allowing yourself to let them go. This may take more than a few times, it depends on the situation and the way you perceived it at the time. A good practice to help you process and release something (without the help of someone else), is to make a list of all the negative feelings associate with the person who created them. Write a letter to this person. Explain how their decisions affected you, in detail. Read the letter out loud, this will help you process your feelings. When you are done expressing your emotions, tear the letter up or burn it. This is symbolic in saying to your higher self “I will no longer allow these emotions to affect me and I am ready to move on”. Say that out loud as well. You will know for sure your intentions are clear. Do this at least 3 times in the span of 6 weeks. I guarantee you will feel lighter after doing so. How do you know a situation is no longer affecting you? You can talk about it without crying or feeling negative emotions. This means you have fully accepted it and have moved forward. New chapter? Yes, please!

The second step is to gain clarity on your self-image. Take an honest look at yourself and honor how you feel about what you have discovered. Know that this may also take assistance from an outsider. We tend to be oblivious to our tendency to talk negatively about ourselves as we’ve done it for so long, it’s our norm. Try to write 20 positive attributes about yourself. If this isn’t easy for you, you more than likely have an issue with your self-image. So, write down all the negative things you feel about yourself. Now you have a list of things to work on! You can work on them in many different ways; talking to friends about them helps a lot because they tend see your issue from a more compassionate, loving perspective. A good friend will never judge you and will be able to assist you in seeing yourself from a different point of view. It is also helpful to be mindful of what you say, to be aware that you are not feeding the issue with more negativity. For example, let’s say you have a weight issue. Instead of calling yourself fat, tell your body you love it and you accept it! The key is acceptance. Once you truly accept yourself, you will recognize that you aren’t perfect, no one is, and the self-acceptance you have will overpower the issue bothering you. With this new found freedom you won’t be spending so much time not feeling your best. Instead, you will now allow yourself to attain your desired goals for example: living a healthier lifestyle. The less time you spend on negative feelings about yourself the more time you will have to explore what you truly enjoy in life. You will soon realize how much time you have been wasting on beating yourself down, instead of lifting yourself up. All we have in life are moments and what a wonderful life it will be with more positive ones. So have compassion for yourself when you realize how much time has been given to negativity and begin your transformation. Remember, compassion is key.

The third step is to pursue what you are passionate about, pursue what resonates with you. This will assist you in develop a solid foundation. Meaning, developing a life you enjoy living. Stop waiting for things to change, change them! Go to yoga once a week, read a book you enjoy a few times a week, go for a run that has amazing scenery, express yourself by painting, join a poetry group, shaman circle, book club, garden club, anything you are drawn to. Doesn’t sound like you? Well, it’s time for you to break out of your shell. If you want a life full of love and passion, you’re going to have to try new things to get there. By trying new things you are telling the Universe you are ready to meet like-minded people and you are ready for a new chapter to begin. Actions speak louder than words. You can try to manifest all you want, but holding hands with the Universe, helping it help you change, will allow you to see quicker results. Give yourself a few months of honoring yourself, then check in. Compare your new self to your old self. You won’t be perfect, you’re not meant to be, so give yourself credit for all your hard work, you deserve it!

After doing all of this, you will be able to honestly say that you love yourself. You have let go of the things that have held you back for so long and have trained yourself to think in a new, positive way! This change in your mindset will help you live a life you truly enjoy having. Obviously we all have different paths so some goals will be harder to reach than others. Don’t make excuses; take baby steps in the right direction. Your future self will thank you.


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